


Five+Brownies+Drugged+Whump

by TUA (IAMS)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Gen, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, protective "older" siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAMS/pseuds/TUA
Summary: Five should know better than to eat food labeled "NO TOUCHY".
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 14
Kudos: 296





	Five+Brownies+Drugged+Whump

In spite of the way Five takes his coffee(black), he’s always had a bit of a sweet tooth; which is exactly why he ignores the “NO TOUCHY” label atop the tray of delicious smelling brownies. 

He’s so surprised by how good the little chocolate square tastes that he ends up taking another one over to the living room, where he sits on the big grandfather chair, puts his feet up on a stool and devours his second treat, in front of Diego, who asks him where he got it. 

“Fridge. Second shelf behind mom’s casserole leftovers.” he replies with a full mouth. 

“Nice.” Diego keeps watching TV for another half hour before getting up and leaving the room, only to return a minute later with a brownie in hand, which he eats in less than three bites. “God, that was good.” He thinks about going back to get a second brownie, but remembers the label. “Whose are they, anyway?” he really hopes he didn’t just eat one of Allison’s baked goods. 

She’d kill him. 

Five shrugs. “Hell if I know.” 

Diego shrugs too, unbothered, and sits on the couch in front of the television and continues to watch his cartoons while Five reads a book from their father’s library. 

A few minutes later Vanya pops her head in from the kitchen. “Hey, can I have one of those brownies in the fridge? They smell really good.” 

Diego nods distractedly, “Go for it.” 

Vanya returns with a brownie on a plate atop a napkin and it’s right as she goes to take her first bite that Klaus walks in and yells, “Whoa, hey, where’d you get that?!” startling her into dropping it back onto the plate. 

“Fridge? Diego said I could have one.” she says, immediately throwing her brother under the bus. 

Diego balks. “I never said they were mine, though!” 

Klaus snatches the plate away from her. “Is this your first one? Please tell me this is your first one.” he practically begs, eyes wide. 

Diego straightens, narrowing his eyes. “Oh fuck. What the hell was in those brownies? Goddamn it Klaus!” 

Klaus makes a face. “Hey! No one told you and your sticky little fingers to take someone elses food! I had a sign on there, in all caps!” 

Vanya frowns. “Uh, Klaus, what  _ was  _ in those brownies? Cause whatever it is, it’s definitely just hit Five...” 

Five is staring at his outstretched hand, waving his fingers in front of his face and blinking slowly. 

Klaus gapes. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He rushes over to Five, who’s completely unaware that his brother is currently freaking out, as he awes at the marvel that is his fleshy hand. “Oh god, Five, how many did you eat?” 

Five finally turns his attention to Klaus, though his gaze is unsteady and wavering. “I love brownies.” he says, smiling widely. A different smile from the forced one he normally lets people see-this one is easy and relaxed. 

Serene, almost. 

“Crap.” Klaus runs to the kitchen and takes the tray out of the fridge. Minus the brownie he took from Vanya, there are three other missing pieces. He prays to a God he doesn’t normally pray to, hoping Diego is the one who ate two, and not Five. “Diego?” he calls, “How many of these did you have?” 

Diego yells back, “Just one! Now get that bony ass over here and tell me what the hell you laced the brownies with so I can kick it.” 

Klaus stumbles back into the living room area. “Ok, so, no one freak out, but we need to get mom asap so she can pump Five’s stomach because he is  _ way  _ too small to have consumed the amount of LSD I’m starting to suspect he ingested...” 

Vanya’s eyes go wide as saucers. “LSD?! Shit!” 

Diego stares at Klaus in shock. “What the fuck!” he grabs a waste bin in the kitchen and forces himself to barf up the brownie he just ate, hoping it’s not too late. 

Vanya, in the meanwhile, is on her knees in front of a very pliant Five, whose eyes are dilated like crazy. “Five, I’m gonna go get mom, ok? You’re gonna be ok, just-” she tries to paste on a calm smile. “Stay here.” 

Five’s fingers brush the side of her face and then the bridge of her nose, all the way down to the tip. “Boop.” he giggles-a sound Vanya hasn’t heard come out of her brothers mouth, maybe ever, but now isn’t the time to dwell on that, she thinks. 

She gets up to find mom, worry making her palms sweat as she takes the steps, two at a time, up the stairs. 

Diego finishes purging and glares daggers at Klaus. “Why the hell do you even have those things in the house?!” 

Klaus groans. “I’m sorry I thought you assholes could  _ read _ !” 

“They were really good brownies!” Diego defends himself stubbornly. “What are you doing with that many, anyway?!” 

“They were a gift from an old clubbing friend.” Klaus replies weakly, rubbing at his shoulder. 

“I thought you were doing the whole sober living thing? What happened to that?” 

“I didn’t eat any! I was gonna give them to Mable at the retirement center later-it’s her birthday.” 

Diego stares at Klaus like he’s lost his mind. “At the  _ retirement  _ home?” 

Klaus nods, like it all makes perfect sense. “Dude, old people love to party. Her son used to sell me coke.” 

“Oh my god, what the actual fuck Klaus.” Diego turns to Five when he notices the boy has blinked over to stand in front of the giant stereo Luther bought when they moved back in. He turns it on and the radio starts blasting music. 

An early 2000’s bop starts to play and Five whoops. “I fucking  _ love  _ this song.” Tripping balls Five dancing, is a whole sight to behold. It’s all shoulder shaking and hip wiggling and Diego tries his best not to laugh. 

This is a serious situation, after all. 

Klaus has no such qualms, taking his phone out of his back pocket to film the disaster unfolding before them. 

“He’s gonna’ murder you.” Diego sighs. “Slowly. And painfully. And I might help.” 

“Worth it.” 

Vanya shows up with Grace in tow, about halfway through the song. “Oh God, Klaus, seriously?” she wants to sound stern but she’s never seen her brother dance and it’s oddly endearing. 

Grace walks over to Five and he stops to look up at her with bright eyes. “Hi mom.” he takes two steps forward and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her into a hug. “How are you so soft? You’re a robot. A cool robot mom. Mom you’re so  _ cool _ .” he rambles, burying his head into her shoulder. 

Grace hugs him back, and Diego swears she looks just as surprised as the rest of them by the sudden show of affection. “Unfortunately,” she starts, still holding her smallest son close. “Overdosing on LSD isn’t exactly like overdosing on cocaine or methamphetamine; I can administer a dose of benzodiazepines to help ease his coming down from the trip, but otherwise we need to wait it out. This could take anywhere between twelve and twenty four hours, depending on exactly how much LSD was taken.” she informs everyone. 

Diego frowns, concerned. “Ok, but he’s technically a child, I mean, his body is  _ literally  _ thirteen, is he gonna be ok?” 

Grace nods. “With proper supervision he should make it out the other side alright. If he becomes agitated at any point I will take him to the infirmary for further observation. Until then, I suggest you keep a close eye on your brother until the drug wears off.” 

Klaus sighs, “Alright, who’s got first watch?” 

Vanya and Diego look at Klaus, unimpressed. 

Klaus whines. “I was gonna go to the mall today, though-they have a sale and it ends  _ tonight _ .” 

Diego smirks. “And now you’re doing this. So that’s settled.” 

Five is still attached to Grace's hip, eyes glazed over, in a completely different realm and not even half paying attention to his surroundings. Everything is just so nice. Time keeps stopping and restarting and everybody is moving in slow motion; he can see the outlines of their bodies, like 3-D images popping out at him. 

“Five, come on, let’s go to your room, ok? It’s nice and quiet in there.” Vanya holds her hand out tentatively. 

Five grabs onto it with both hands like a little kid and follows her without question, his two brothers trailing behind him in case he trips. 

They have a long day ahead of them… 

**Author's Note:**

> edit: update on 9.16.20 (gotta edit the chapter and I'll post it!) thanku for reading! :)


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